Determination to Be Different

Determination

→ a quality that makes you continue trying or achieve something that is difficult*

Dedication 

→ a feeling of very strong support for or loyalty to someone or something*

*Meriam-Webster Dictionary

The room was stuffy on that warm Saturday afternoon. This was the third time she would be reading this same story, but to a different audience. For this was her station during the girl scout all day event – story time. But not just a story to entertain; no, this story had purpose and a message. Those girls needed to know that they were special and had gifts and talents with which to change the world.

“The duck said to her friend, 'I'm not strange, I'm di-ffer-ent.” She quoted the line, almost from memory, in a funny little voice. The girls all laughed. And perhaps they tucked away that story about a little yellow duck choosing to be different and not afraid of the world calling her strange; but not one little brownie girl scout, no, not her. She took that message to heart. 

See, that little scout was me, and that determined and dedicated leader was my Mother.

My Mom and me in 1979

That determination and dedication to make the world a better place, starting with the world she created for her two own daughters, are two of the things I treasure most about my mother. My mother went to great lengths to make sure my sister and I had a safe and healthy childhood, despite many setbacks. As a single parent living on a shoestring budget, she always seemed to create a sense of normalcy for us; we just didn't know that we were poor, nor did we feel the stigma that divorce can sometimes carry on children. We never knew any different because of my Mom's determination and dedication to give us what was necessary in life, no matter how the odds seemed stacked against her.

Me & My Sister, 1984

Here are just a few of the many things that made our little family seem strange to some people, but just different to me. While the rest of the kids in my class would write about their amazing summer vacation trip during that first week back at school each year, I would write about our family camping trip that lasted all summer long. We went hiking at the local nature center, while most kids went to the movies. We made colored fire and cardboard box ovens to earn girl scout badges, while most of the kids my age did whatever they did, because I didn't notice what they were doing. I was babysitting and teaching roller skate lessons while most of the girls my age were becoming boy-crazy. I was hanging out at church while the rest of my teenage friends hung out at the mall. I was just like that little yellow duck in my mother's simple story...I was di-ffer-rent...and I didn't notice much, because of my Mother.

Stitched with love by Mom

As I got older though, I did begin to notice the differences between my life and those of my peers. Some of the difference I didn't care about and others I did. But my Mom did a fantastic job of parenting this first born, headstrong, teenage daughter. See, I inherited her deep determination and dedication, and my fight was usually over wanting more freedom than I could handle. I love my Mom deeply for not giving up on me when I became willfully disobedient and a little too determined for my own good. But her determination to turn out a responsible young lady won over my determination to think I knew everything, every time. 

For this alone, I think my Mom deserves a medal!

Family Vacation 2012

The older I get, the more and more I realize the sacrifices my Mom made to put food on the table, clothes on our back, and an education in our minds. The sleepless nights, the many jobs, the lack of a social life, the dishes, the laundry, the nights we were terrible and threw tantrums when she put us to bed at 8PM at night 'but the sun was still out' – because she needed that time alone to figure out how to pay the bills, or take a shower in peace.

I am still determined. I am still different. And I owe my uniqueness to my Mother. She is my hero, and I love her more each day. Her strength amazes me, and just recently watching her take care of my grandmother (her mother) during her last days on earth stirred within me a deeper level of compassion than I had ever known. My Mom is fiercely brave, wonderfully dedicated, and passionately determined. And I may be biased, but she did an outstanding job of raising two beautifully intelligent, responsible women, who are also determined and dedicated to making a difference in this world, one little duck at a time. 

Present from Mom 2013

Momma, I love you lots! Forever yours, no matter where on this earth I may travel.  You taught me well, even when I didn't want to listen.  And I am forever grateful.  This world will never be the same, because of how you raised me.  You did 'real good'!

Guest Blog Writer: Amber John

Firm, Patient, Generous and Fierce

I am sitting and reflecting on what mothers mean to me. The first thing that pops into my mind is that a mother is love. What mothers endure and experience in the pregnancy stage, then caring for a child, is something that is layered and formed by a bond that nothing else can take its place. Mothers are the life source and nurturers in their children's lives. In many cases, they are recipients of a sixth sense, where they seem to grow extra eyes, a nose better than a dog, and a discernment that trembles the darkness when it comes against their baby! 

One of the most important things that I have learned through observation is that a mother's love is fluid and able to adjust as needed. What I mean by this is that I have seen my mom operate in these areas of love: being firm, patient, generous, and at times, fierce. My mother, Brenda Arment, has been the example for me of love's fluidity and adjustability.

                                                     1. Firm Love

Growing up around a strong-willed woman is not for the faint of heart! My mom was determined to instill in all her kids at a very young age to show respect and to honor others, and to help those we see in need. We were to stay humble (something I took too literally, and had to have someone get in my face once, telling me that it’s okay to receive a compliment), and we were not to disrespect our last name. I did occasionally step out of line, and when she would catch wind of it, Mom was quick to handle the situation, shaking her finger and giving me ‘the look’ - which I believe she instructed the military drill instructors how to do – to which you automatically snapped to attention whenever you got it! This type of love is what set up boundaries and guard rails for me, and looking back, were so important to what she was instilling in me. It taught me the difference between right and wrong, and it was all out of love because she was looking out for my best interest, and setting important values and morals within me.

                                                     2. Patient Love

A few things come to mind when I think about my mom’s display of being patient: she knew that us kids were going to make mistakes and she was always there to give a hug or offer advice when we needed it; many times we were the recipient of her opinion (remember she’s a strong-willed woman). When I joined the Navy in 2004, I didn’t tell anybody I was doing it until after I had signed the documents. My mother would not talk to me for a month afterward because she was handling the news in her own way. I learned how she coped with things that were out of her control, and she showed me that it’s okay to take time away to deal with things quietly. She cared deeply for my safety, and the unknown that I would be entering unsettled her greatly; but she loved me enough to let me make those big life decisions. She came beside me to be my number one fan and supporter during that time. I now have so many Navy artifacts, books, pictures, picture frames, etc. because she wanted to show me how much she was proud of me and loved me.

                                                     3. Generous Love

While I was growing up, my mom became a favorite for her support in all our activities and sports, but also in her cooking on the weekends! I would have friends come out just for the food! Mom and Dad would welcome all of them, cooking enough food so that nobody left hungry...and if you did, it was your own fault. 

Even now, as I am an adult, she has extended to me so much love and generosity. When I came home from the Navy I was a wrecking ball, destroying everything in my path (mostly internally) and my mom didn’t know what to do, except just love me and be there for me. It was all I really needed at the time, and without her knowing it, she helped pull me out of my self-destructive behaviors. 

Fast forwarding to the future, nothing has changed in the area of my mom's love and generosity. Being a missionary now and needing to come back from Belize due to illness, she took care of me, feeding me and nursing me back to health! She allowed me to drive her vehicle to and from doctors' appointments, and got me clothes when I didn’t have any. She has been a huge cheerleader and encourager for Normal to Destiny LLC, and has recently become a sales consultant because she believes in the mission of my business!

Not long ago I learned that when we were younger, my parents would sometimes go without food so that we would be able to eat when we wouldn’t have enough to go around. We qualified for government help, but they refused to take it, instead working two jobs most of the time to provide for our needs. I just thought we were the richest family on the block!

I have always been a watcher and observer. I watched mom volunteer me for all sorts of things: helping people move, cutting grass, volunteering for the needy, picking weeds...and the list goes on! What these things taught me was to always be generous with what we are given and to meet a need of someone whenever you are able.These traits, which were instilled into me when I was young, have become the backbone of the business I am running today - Impact the world by impacting the one.

                                                    4. Fierce Love

I have always been a daydreamer, staring out of windows and getting lost in my own imagination - deep thinking about so many things and drawing up even more questions. This hasn’t always been to my advantage.  While growing up, I have had a couple teachers who didn’t quite understand me because I was different than the rest of the kids. I had teachers label me as ‘dumb,’ ‘never going to make it,’ ‘slow,’ and ‘a dreamer.’ It wasn’t that my grades were bad, because they weren’t. It was because I just have always thought differently and outside of the norm. This is where I have seen my mom’s fierce love for me in action. When these teachers would make these comments about me, I saw my mom fight for me and keep encouraging me to be different because it would benefit me one day. 

My mother was prophesying over me without even knowing she was doing it. She called me ‘the rock,’ and said that ‘I would make something of my life”.  She also told the world "to keep an eye on me because even though I was in a shadow of my older brother and quiet, I had a lot to say”. What I have done and what I continue to do with my life is a fulfillment of those words.  My mom has been an illustration of God’s love for us, which is so fierce that no darkness can prevail or touch it. She has been an example of the love that Jesus has for me, and I can only receive it and say ‘thank you’.

My family likes to joke a lot about my being open with the fact that I’m a “momma’s boy.” For me, this was wisdom and my best weapon growing up; get close with mom and I have it made! Truth is, I simply love her unconditionally. I know that a strong relationship with her has always been important to me, because she was the one who gave birth to me, and there’s just a bond there that is God-given. 

Firm, patient, generous and fierce. Each of these qualities is reflected in the love I receive and the love I give. Thank you Mom for showing me a strong work ethic, instilling deep morals, values and respect, and how to honor others powerfully. Thank you for the tireless days/nights growing up so that we were well taken care of. Thank you for always being there for me, and being a constant in my life. I love you!

~Travis

Guest Blog Writer: Travis Arment

A Mother's Story

by Avril Arthurs, Belize 

I have always dreamt about being a mother. I can recall that when I as a child, my older sister would often say that she did not want kids, and my response would be: “Have them and give them to me!” Just the thought of life and children brought joy to my life. I knew that due to our economic standards here in Belize, it would be difficult for me to have the number of children my heart desired, so I decided to join the teaching profession. My saying was often, “If I can’t have them, then I can teach them.” It is not an easy profession, but it is one that I enjoy doing on a daily basis.

One year after joining the teaching profession, I was being visited by a guy, whom I found very attractive. I prayed for God’s will to be done, to bring us together. Two year later, on March 26, 2005, we exchanged our vows in front of our parents and everyone else. We did not have much, but for me, love was all we needed. 

I knew that one day I wanted to be a mother, but my song would always be that I would wait until five years after marriage. Well, it was a little after five months when I found out that I was pregnant. On December 23, 2005, I found out that I was six weeks pregnant. I felt overjoyed to know that I was going to bring an innocent being into this world that I can call my own to love and cherish. Every day I would caress my stomach, even though it was not showing. I started wearing maternity clothes because I was so excited. What was weird was that even though no tummy was showing as yet, but I knew that he was there.

Everyone was so excited. This was going to be my parents' first grand baby, as well my in-law’s first. (My husband was an only child.) I was spoiled, which, to be honest, was my favorite part. I got anything I wanted just because I was pregnant. 

My mom had all girls, with the exception of my adopted brother, so my sisters all wanted a nephew. They wanted more males in the family. Every time people would tell them that it was a girl, they would get upset. For me it did not matter -  I just wanted a healthy baby. There were times indeed, when I was uncertain and would say I want a girl or I want a boy, but in the end it did not matter.

My baby was a very active baby throughout my pregnancy, so the day I did not feel him moving, I knew that the time had come to deliver. I was so excited! I went to my mom that morning and I told her that I was in labor. My mom did not believe me, so she took me to a friend who was a nurse. When the nurse checked me, she said that I was already at three centimeters and that they must take me to the hospital right then. I was so excited that upon arrival at the hospital at 5 pm, I was grinning. This was strange to the nurses; one even asked what was wrong with me! When they told her that I was in labor, she argued that I was not. The thought of having a baby helped me to overlook the pain. At 7:35 pm, I gave birth to a healthy baby boy.

The start of motherhood was here! I couldn’t wait for him to cry. I watched in the maternity ward as the other babies cried and their mothers would breast feed them, but my baby just slept. I stared at him all night, and around 3 a.m. I saw him move his finger. So I grabbed him and tried to feed him. I felt sorry after that, because whenever he started to cry I would need to feed him, and I was not given much of a break to sleep.

Being a first time mother, everything got me excited. Once I thought I heard him cough and I started to cry, telling my husband to take us to the hospital. He took me to my mom who anxiously asked what the problem was. I told her that the baby coughed. She told me that nothing was wrong with my baby, but so that I would stop crying, she would monitor him. If he coughed, we would take him to the doctor. I learned that day that my baby did not cough; instead, he only gurgled on his spit. Everyone in my family still jokes about this today.

This was my baby, and as every good mother, I only wanted what was best for him. So yes, at times I spent unnecessary money to take him to see doctors, only to find out on many occasions that I had a healthy baby boy. One doctor even told us that our baby had the weight and height of kids older than he was.

My son became my pride and joy. Whenever I had problems in my marriage, I would look at him and thank God, because his presence made me overlook my circumstances. Instead of being sorrowful, I gave thanks for my blessings. Wherever you would see me, my son was there. We would go to church, weddings, graduations, etc. When I was asked to be the female dean at summer camp, everyone knew that I had only one condition - my son must go with me.

We created a bond that was inseparable. So inseparable that people are concern about what would happen to the other one if something happens to either of us.

On September 21, 2012, I was woken by my parents, with the most tragic news any wife had to hear. My husband had died in a car accident. Hearing this horrible news, I was unable to contain myself. I did not expect that at the age of twenty-nine to be a widow with a six year old son. There were so many unanswered questions. Why me? What about my son? How will this affect him? Growing up, I had both my mom and dad, and I had wanted the same for my son. What will I do now? Will I be able to face life daily? But due to the prayers of my family and church family, God gave me the strength to carry on. It is still hard at times, because when I look at my son I see a little of his dad and I wonder what is going through his little mind.

Every day I prayed to God for strength to face the new day. Nothing anyone would say could have taken away the pain I was facing. I would just glance on my son and start to cry because as a mother, I wanted him to have his father in his life.  For some reason, though, my son would not cry. I was constantly crying, and he would wipe my tears and say, “Mommy please stop crying. I am not crying so you should not cry.” People thought that he did not understand, that he was not registering that he will never see his dad again. But though talking with him, they realized he was fully aware of everything. When asked why he did not cry, he would say that he does not want his mommy to cry. He wanted to be strong for me, to be my little man. People spoke to him and told him that it was ok to cry, but he refused. At this point, I felt like I was the baby and he was my little man. It was through him that I had to work on my emotions, and because of him and God, that I was able to continue my journey though life.

God blessed me with a son, even though it was not planned. When I think about it, if I had waited five years before having my child, my son would have been two when his father died. God had a plan and he knew why he blessed me with my son so early in marriage. My son is a part of the reason I can hold my head high and give God thanks daily for his many blessings, despite the circumstances. He is the reason I’m a mother today, and I would not have it any other way. I love my son, and he shows me daily just how much he loves me in return. 

Mothers

As I’ve looked back over my lifetime, I am truly blessed by the women in my life who’ve chosen to love me, even at my most unlovable. This journey to adulthood was tumultuous at best; but these women taught me to love, to forgive, to stand in faith, and to trust a God who always has my best interest in mind. This is my thank-you letter!

I’d like to begin with a thank-you to my grandma. She was the strong, silent type, who caught everything, and had a way of seeing you as you truly were - raw and honest. It was so easy to love myself because she loved me so unashamedly. She taught me that family is built around sharing together, both in the good times and bad. And that truly strong women not only do not give up, but they also forgive, even when an apology is not forth coming. She also showed me the best way is to  make peace with people in my heart, at all costs. My grandma exuded love always! No matter who I brought home, her comfort and strength broke through the toughest hearts.

There are many other women I want to thank. My mother taught me that true love has no strings or expectations. It stands, protects, forgives, and hopes always, as in First Corinthians 13. Our family friend, Cindy (my second mom), taught me of a transparency and vulnerability that brings courage. She taught me hospitality and the joy of sharing life - meeting people where they are. Women like my best friend’s mom and grandma, Johanna and Evelyn, taught me to believe myself. They were always challenging me to be a woman of character and integrity, even if I was the only one standing. This strength of conviction, this firm foundation of family relationships, and their charity to others have so shaped my heart!

My host mom, Ann, was the example of the type of mother and wife I want to be. She was the one who changed my mind on the idea of getting married. Ann taught me that honor, submission, and strength in a marriage are based on deep friendship. She was able to make homeschooling, running a household, and all of her charitable activities seem so easy. She also taught me not to undermine my husband; yelling didn’t make the point in an argument, and it is perfectly normal to make date night a necessity. She was gentle, kind, creative and passionate, serving herself to her family and community gracefully. It takes a special woman to open her home to a complete stranger, and live that vulnerably with eyes on every part of your family life.

These beautiful women are gems in my life! They are gifts from heaven who shaped me, challenged my thinking, and loved me completely! I am blessed by their lives intertwining with mine, all in the perfect timing of the LORD! They are so important to my journey out of Normal to Destiny, and I am forever grateful! I hope for many happy Mother’s Days to you all.

Johanna and Evelyn                  Cindy                                Cindy                          Ann with her daughter

Guest Blog Writer: Zona Garrett, NtoD Sales Consultant